DAMN IT ALL

I've started this post about a half dozen times now. Each time, I get about a paragraph into it, decide what I'm writing is completely boring trash, and delete it. It's hard to write about pleasant stuff when all I really want to say is how pissed off and frustrated I am. So fuck pleasant. I am pissed off and frustrated and the worst part is, I can't really get a handle on what the fuck the problem is. Aw fuckit. I know what the problem is. I just get afraid to put it all down here. I get afraid that he's going to read it and not like what I have to say. I get afraid that he's going to take it out of context or read into it or misinterpret it or misunderstand it. Beyond that, I get afraid that if that does happen, he won't say anything to me. Or maybe I'm afraid he WILL say something to me. Fuck I don't know. Why is it so fucking hard to communicate with him some days? FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!