Yahoo Messenger

Before I discovered Blogs, I used to spend a lot of time chatting online. Mostly for something to do to avoid working. It was interesting and fun for awhile, but it became tedious, boring, and repetetive. Oh get your head out of the gutter already! I wasn't into cybersex, not even in the beginning...but I will admit I did my share of nasty talking to a select few, for shits and giggles. I have Yahoo Messenger installed on my computer now, but I am rarely logged into it, and when I am, I'm logged in as 'invisible' so that my Yahoo Buddies can't see I'm online and bug me. I realized yesterday that I hadn't logged in for awhile, so I logged in to see what kind of 'offline' messages I'd received. I like that Yahoo will store messages for me that way. Nice. I'd gotten a few, from people I used to spend a lot of time talking to...I guess you could call them "friends" though they weren't people I've ever met (or ever plan to meet) in real life. I also had a message from some random guy that said something to the effect of "Very lovely. Sad to see you have a boyfriend." (I have a profile online that has my picture and link to my Yahoo Messenger ID, and my profile states that I am in love with my boyfriend.) So being the nice person that I am, I wrote him a quick note back to say thank you and that he was sweet. To my surprise, he was online and wrote back immediately. Shit. I didn't really wanna talk to the dude, I was just being nice! Anyway. So he starts saying how he's saddened that I have a b/f, but he'll try to get over his enviousness. I'm thinking yea okay whatever buddy, but I'm still being nice and chatting. And I'll admit I started flirting a little bit. I don't know what came over me. I was having a bad day and he wanted to pay attention to me and I liked it...fucken sue me! Point is, he eventually says something to the effect that he'd like the opportunity to give me a full body massage and show me how sexually talented he is. Okay first of all, what makes people think shit like that is going to work? Seriously! He's never met me, never talked to me before, but somehow he thinks that a 2 minute conversation with me is going to somehow turn into a little sexual adventure for the two of us? Give me a break man! Anyway, I told him it wasn't going to happen. I didn't even think twice about it. Yea I'm lonely and horny and Vin's out of town this weekend. And yea I know I could get away with it - especially given that Vin's got a "don't ask - don't tell" policy when it comes to cheating. He's told me in no uncertain terms that if I cheat, I just can't tell him about it. I understand it, but I'll never agree with it. Point being - even though I know I could get away with it, it didn't even cross my mind to consider doing it. And it's not just because it's random dude from the internet. I realized when I turned dude down that even if he was someone I knew, I still wouldn't have considered doing it. I mean, given my long post about cheating this probably isn't a surprise to you. And to be honest, it's really not a SURPRISE to me either. But I have been curious to see what my gut reaction would be like if and when the opportunity presented itself. It's one thing to say you feel a certain way about something, but what you do about it is really the key. Actions speak louder than words. I hope my actions speak volumes to Vin. I know he trusts me in theory, but I also know that he reserves more than a little doubt in the back of his mind about ALL things in life. Call it a certain amount of pessimism if you will. And maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe I am the one thing in his life that he trusts implicitly. But somehow I don't know that he can trust anything in his life implicitly...not even me. Regardless. I am happy to have concrete evidence in my own mind that he really is the only man I want to be with, sexually or otherwise. Not that I needed it. But it's still nice to have.