Little House
Didja ever watch Little House on the Prairie? I did when I was a kid - all the time. Thought it was awesome. Oh screw you, what did I know - I was just a kid!
About a week ago, I was up super late - like 3 or 4 a.m. late, and happened to catch part of an episode. Mary was dating some dude (pre-blind Mary) and he got this chance to go away to school on a scholarship or some fucken thing. But he was in love with Mary, so he didn't want to go. He decided he'd just stay on the farm and marry her and create a life that way, blah blah blah. It took Mary a couple days (and a good sit-down talk with her Ma) to realize that if he stayed, he'd be staying for her and essentially denying himself the opportunity for greatness. (Okay okay, so it's not word for word - but that was the gist of the story.) So Mary tells him he has to go and he can't stay there with her and deny himself a 'real' future, blah blah blah.
The point I got from that was this:
At what point are you holding someone back?
How do you know?
If Vin tells me he thinks I'm better off w/out him, and that he's holding me back from things, is it my duty to leave him?
If I stay with him, am I holding HIM back?? Is it possible that maybe - just maybe - I'm a burden to HIS life and THAT is what he's been trying to say? That things for him would be easier (considering he's moving and taking a new job and that's a lot of pressure and stress) if all he had to worry about was himself?
I hope not. But sometimes, it's really confusing.
I wonder what I'm doing.
I don't know if this post is wrong or right or if I should or shouldn't say it but it was on my mind and I had to get it out and let it go. Sometimes, the best thing for me to do is just say things and get them off my chest and out of my mind...and just let....them....go.
I trust that he loves me enough to say what he has to say when he has to say it. I trust that he's provided me with all the information I need to make informed decisions about my....about OUR future. I trust that his love for me is strong.
I just get confused sometimes. That's all.
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About a week ago, I was up super late - like 3 or 4 a.m. late, and happened to catch part of an episode. Mary was dating some dude (pre-blind Mary) and he got this chance to go away to school on a scholarship or some fucken thing. But he was in love with Mary, so he didn't want to go. He decided he'd just stay on the farm and marry her and create a life that way, blah blah blah. It took Mary a couple days (and a good sit-down talk with her Ma) to realize that if he stayed, he'd be staying for her and essentially denying himself the opportunity for greatness. (Okay okay, so it's not word for word - but that was the gist of the story.) So Mary tells him he has to go and he can't stay there with her and deny himself a 'real' future, blah blah blah.
The point I got from that was this:
At what point are you holding someone back?
How do you know?
If Vin tells me he thinks I'm better off w/out him, and that he's holding me back from things, is it my duty to leave him?
If I stay with him, am I holding HIM back?? Is it possible that maybe - just maybe - I'm a burden to HIS life and THAT is what he's been trying to say? That things for him would be easier (considering he's moving and taking a new job and that's a lot of pressure and stress) if all he had to worry about was himself?
I hope not. But sometimes, it's really confusing.
I wonder what I'm doing.
I don't know if this post is wrong or right or if I should or shouldn't say it but it was on my mind and I had to get it out and let it go. Sometimes, the best thing for me to do is just say things and get them off my chest and out of my mind...and just let....them....go.
I trust that he loves me enough to say what he has to say when he has to say it. I trust that he's provided me with all the information I need to make informed decisions about my....about OUR future. I trust that his love for me is strong.
I just get confused sometimes. That's all.
posted by AmyVegas at
11/26/2003 01:06:00 PM
