Needy
I'm feeling extremely needy today. Overly needy. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm worried. I have a ton on my mind. I need Vin to come over tonight and just hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, and let me cry in his arms. I worry that everything isn't going to be okay.
I have said it before - communication is my lifeblood. I could care less about work or money or possessions...just give me a few decent relationships with other people in my life and I'm a happy girl. There have been times in my life that I've surrounded myself with loads of friends, but even during those times, I clung more to a select few than to embrace the whole bunch. It's always been a huge priority for me to be close to people. Close close. Like, inside their head close. Finishing each other's sentences close. Reading their mind, anticipating their wants, needs, and thoughts close. It's great to be that close to another human.
I've always thought that was pretty much one of the sole reasons I was put on this earth - to interact with other people. I figure that when I'm old and grey and living in a home and all my earthly possessions are long gone and all I have left is ME, what will keep me going is my memories. I want to be able to sit back and reflect on the difference people made in my life, and what kind of difference I made in their's. I want to have fond memories of times I've spent with other people and the love we shared.
Let's see, where was I going with this? Oh yea. Why I'm currently worried and thinking too much.
Because I've been realizing lately that the psychic abilities that used to be so prevalent in my life, and the intuition that I was able to rely so heavily upon seem to be "broken" lately. Or more to the point - they don't seem to work with Vin. I worry about that. I can't tell if it's me, or if it's that he's got walls and blockers up to keep me out, and that's why their not working the way they used to. I'm just not sure. I worry that I might never be able to get inside him - truly inside. And I wonder if that's going to be enough? If all the other things that I love so much about him are going to be able to sustain "us" if I can't have the kind of closeness with him that I seem to need in my life?
It's just too much to think about right now. My head hurts and this is making it worse. I'll come back to it later. But now you know what's making me so YUCK today. Neediness and worry and sleepiness and maybe a little hunger and sadness and more worry...and...and...and.
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I have said it before - communication is my lifeblood. I could care less about work or money or possessions...just give me a few decent relationships with other people in my life and I'm a happy girl. There have been times in my life that I've surrounded myself with loads of friends, but even during those times, I clung more to a select few than to embrace the whole bunch. It's always been a huge priority for me to be close to people. Close close. Like, inside their head close. Finishing each other's sentences close. Reading their mind, anticipating their wants, needs, and thoughts close. It's great to be that close to another human.
I've always thought that was pretty much one of the sole reasons I was put on this earth - to interact with other people. I figure that when I'm old and grey and living in a home and all my earthly possessions are long gone and all I have left is ME, what will keep me going is my memories. I want to be able to sit back and reflect on the difference people made in my life, and what kind of difference I made in their's. I want to have fond memories of times I've spent with other people and the love we shared.
Let's see, where was I going with this? Oh yea. Why I'm currently worried and thinking too much.
Because I've been realizing lately that the psychic abilities that used to be so prevalent in my life, and the intuition that I was able to rely so heavily upon seem to be "broken" lately. Or more to the point - they don't seem to work with Vin. I worry about that. I can't tell if it's me, or if it's that he's got walls and blockers up to keep me out, and that's why their not working the way they used to. I'm just not sure. I worry that I might never be able to get inside him - truly inside. And I wonder if that's going to be enough? If all the other things that I love so much about him are going to be able to sustain "us" if I can't have the kind of closeness with him that I seem to need in my life?
It's just too much to think about right now. My head hurts and this is making it worse. I'll come back to it later. But now you know what's making me so YUCK today. Neediness and worry and sleepiness and maybe a little hunger and sadness and more worry...and...and...and.
posted by AmyVegas at
11/06/2003 07:50:00 AM
