What to do
As in, I don't know what to do.
Vin is going through a really hard time right now. I don't know how to help him. Not that it matters - he doesn't want my help with this anyway. He thinks it would be better if I left him. He thinks in the long run, I would be better off. He thinks it's "unfair to me" to have to deal with him going through rough times. He says this rough time he's going through is a recurring one in his life, and that it will go....but it will definitely be back. He says he can't be perfect. He says he can't be normal. He says he doesn't want to hurt me. He thinks he knows what's best for me.
How do I respond to that? None of that is news. This is not the first time this has come up, nor the first time that we've discussed this. I've known since early on that he's got problems. The kind I can't help with. The kind I can't do anything about. I'm not a kid, I'm not naive. This is not the kind of thing I saw but didn't recognize or saw but didn't know what it meant or what it means. I am fully aware, and I chose to be in this relationship knowing how he would be at times. I have never placed any expectations upon him to be "perfect" or "normal." I have tried to tell him from the very beginning that I want him just the way he is, problems and all. I have never tried to tell him that he needs to change. I have never tried to tell him that he needs to let me fix him, or help fix him.
I am in love with him for who he is. I don't just pick and choose 'parts' of him to love. I love and want the whole package. I understand there are going to be hard times. What relationship is without hard times?
I don't even know what I'm trying to say here. I'm just ..... shit, I don't even know what I am.
I want him to know I'm not going to leave. I want him to understand and believe that I am in love with him AS HE IS. I want him to know that I realize that "AS HE IS" is not perfect and sometimes not even normal, but that doesn't matter to me because I see the WHOLE PICTURE, not just part or parts of it. And as a WHOLE, he is exactly what I want.
Am I an idiot? Am I supposed to just say to him "Okay, sorry to hear you're messed up right now and will likely be messed up in the future, so I'm outta here?" Is that what people do? Am I kidding myself? What the hell?
I'm in love. He's what I want. He's a good man. He's good to me and treats me right. He's not like the others. I don't want to leave. I don't want to be without him. I want him to know I'm here for all of it. The good AND the bad.
So now what? He wants me to go. I want to stay. What do I do?
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Vin is going through a really hard time right now. I don't know how to help him. Not that it matters - he doesn't want my help with this anyway. He thinks it would be better if I left him. He thinks in the long run, I would be better off. He thinks it's "unfair to me" to have to deal with him going through rough times. He says this rough time he's going through is a recurring one in his life, and that it will go....but it will definitely be back. He says he can't be perfect. He says he can't be normal. He says he doesn't want to hurt me. He thinks he knows what's best for me.
How do I respond to that? None of that is news. This is not the first time this has come up, nor the first time that we've discussed this. I've known since early on that he's got problems. The kind I can't help with. The kind I can't do anything about. I'm not a kid, I'm not naive. This is not the kind of thing I saw but didn't recognize or saw but didn't know what it meant or what it means. I am fully aware, and I chose to be in this relationship knowing how he would be at times. I have never placed any expectations upon him to be "perfect" or "normal." I have tried to tell him from the very beginning that I want him just the way he is, problems and all. I have never tried to tell him that he needs to change. I have never tried to tell him that he needs to let me fix him, or help fix him.
I am in love with him for who he is. I don't just pick and choose 'parts' of him to love. I love and want the whole package. I understand there are going to be hard times. What relationship is without hard times?
I don't even know what I'm trying to say here. I'm just ..... shit, I don't even know what I am.
I want him to know I'm not going to leave. I want him to understand and believe that I am in love with him AS HE IS. I want him to know that I realize that "AS HE IS" is not perfect and sometimes not even normal, but that doesn't matter to me because I see the WHOLE PICTURE, not just part or parts of it. And as a WHOLE, he is exactly what I want.
Am I an idiot? Am I supposed to just say to him "Okay, sorry to hear you're messed up right now and will likely be messed up in the future, so I'm outta here?" Is that what people do? Am I kidding myself? What the hell?
I'm in love. He's what I want. He's a good man. He's good to me and treats me right. He's not like the others. I don't want to leave. I don't want to be without him. I want him to know I'm here for all of it. The good AND the bad.
So now what? He wants me to go. I want to stay. What do I do?
posted by AmyVegas at
11/18/2003 06:48:00 AM
