Melancholy
That's how I'm feeling today.
Is everything he's been telling me to this point just bullshit? Did he change his mind? Why doesn't he want to live with me? I mean, yea, he said he can't handle that much of a change, but why does it feel like there's more to it than that? He says he loves me more and more each day, and that he only feels good when he's with me - so why not live with me? The best, most restful sleep he ever gets is with me, so why wouldn't he want that everyday? Is it a question of committment? Is it a matter of whether or not he thinks he could be happier with someone other than me? Did we go wrong somewhere? Did I do something? Is it me? What do I do now? Whether I move or stay at my current apartment, it would mean signing another year lease - which means that even if he changed his mind about living with me, or decided later that he was ready, it would be at least another year before we could live together. And what about that? Does he want me to hang out for another year and stay with him on the hope that someday he'll want to go forward with things? Is this his way of backing off from the relationship without actually having to DO anything about backing off?
Do you see my confusion here?
I feel like there's more he wants to say, but can't or won't. I know that as a female, I read into things, and that it is entirely possible (okay, likely) that I am overreacting to all of this and making a much bigger deal out of it than it ought to be. I guess I just don't know what to think. I feel like he's trying to say something without saying it, and I'm just not getting the picture or something.
How is it that he wants to stay with me, but doesn't want to live with me?
FUCK I'm sick of listening to myself fucking WHINE about this. I'm shutting up now.
The best I can do is just take what he says at face value and leave it at that. (Though, come to think of it, he's actually said very little about it all. He didn't even say he didn't want to live with me - I had to deduce that on my own and then ask him about it. But whatever.) I just hope against hope that if he doesn't mean what he says (about being in love, etc.) then he stops saying it.
Okay seriously done rambling about this now. Crossing my fingers that he is as in love as he says he is, and has a hang up about living with women or something. Good luck to me.
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Is everything he's been telling me to this point just bullshit? Did he change his mind? Why doesn't he want to live with me? I mean, yea, he said he can't handle that much of a change, but why does it feel like there's more to it than that? He says he loves me more and more each day, and that he only feels good when he's with me - so why not live with me? The best, most restful sleep he ever gets is with me, so why wouldn't he want that everyday? Is it a question of committment? Is it a matter of whether or not he thinks he could be happier with someone other than me? Did we go wrong somewhere? Did I do something? Is it me? What do I do now? Whether I move or stay at my current apartment, it would mean signing another year lease - which means that even if he changed his mind about living with me, or decided later that he was ready, it would be at least another year before we could live together. And what about that? Does he want me to hang out for another year and stay with him on the hope that someday he'll want to go forward with things? Is this his way of backing off from the relationship without actually having to DO anything about backing off?
Do you see my confusion here?
I feel like there's more he wants to say, but can't or won't. I know that as a female, I read into things, and that it is entirely possible (okay, likely) that I am overreacting to all of this and making a much bigger deal out of it than it ought to be. I guess I just don't know what to think. I feel like he's trying to say something without saying it, and I'm just not getting the picture or something.
How is it that he wants to stay with me, but doesn't want to live with me?
FUCK I'm sick of listening to myself fucking WHINE about this. I'm shutting up now.
The best I can do is just take what he says at face value and leave it at that. (Though, come to think of it, he's actually said very little about it all. He didn't even say he didn't want to live with me - I had to deduce that on my own and then ask him about it. But whatever.) I just hope against hope that if he doesn't mean what he says (about being in love, etc.) then he stops saying it.
Okay seriously done rambling about this now. Crossing my fingers that he is as in love as he says he is, and has a hang up about living with women or something. Good luck to me.
posted by AmyVegas at
1/13/2004 08:22:00 AM
