more why?

the day after xmas, vin sent me a text message in the evening.

this is what it read:
What are your plans. I'm at Wedding Day [diamond jeweler] at the moment.

how did he even think of this stuff? why would he make me believe that he was out ring shopping and going to marry me? why would he perpetuate the lie of wanting to marry me for so long? he started talking about it in july, for fuck's sake.

oh wow, i am so fucking stupid.

he did it so i wouldn't doubt his story. so i'd keep believing. he knew how badly i wanted to get married, and he knew just exactly how in love with him i was. so the best way to make me not doubt him was for him to keep on telling me how in love he was and how he wanted to marry me.

2 weeks ago when we were out to dinner, i asked him why he would be ring shopping for me since he obviously didn't have any intention of marrying me. (i said that because that was when he finally admitted he didn't want to live with me.) you know what he said in response to that? "what makes you think i'm not going to marry you?"

why would anyone be this mean to me? our whole relationship - 8 months - was a complete lie. he never loved me, never cared. never thought i was beautiful or worth being treated like a princess or loved my body. it was all a lie.