Straining

Everything feels strained today. I feel like I'm experiencing life in a version that has been run through a strainer...like all the big chunks are sitting on top of the strainer and everything else that got through the holes is now all mushed together and making little sense.

It's been a long time since I've felt like I had no direction to go in the 'love' department. That's how I'm feeling now. Stalled, kind of. Like my brother's old used Hyundai - fucken thing couldn't get above 4th gear, and if I remember correctly it couldn't go in reverse, either. I'm moving, but can't seem to go forward (in my relationship), and I can't go back.

I thought that we were moving along nicely. Been dating 8 months, and by the time we would have been moving in together, we'd have been dating 11 months. That seems like an appropriate amount of time to be dating someone before moving in together. Hell, one of my best friends moved in with her g/f after they'd been dating about a week, so really, what is "an appropriate amount of time"?? I guess I just thought things were going at a nice pace - not too fast to scare anybody, not too slow to be stagnant. I thought we'd move in together, get used to each other, and eventually get married. Shit, he's gone ring shopping for fuck's sake! ????

I'm sorry that I keep droning on about this today. I just can't get a grip on what do to with this whole situation and until I do, it's going to be at the front of my mind. I was wondering earlier today what the hell I'd tell someone who came to me for advice about this same situation. I decided I'd tell that person to seek professional help, because I'm just clean outta ideas.

Guess I better go call a shrink or something, eh?