Grrrrrr...

See, I re-read my post from earlier today, and I hate it. It doesn't convey what I wanted to say at ALL.

Here's the thing. Often on this blog, I vent and bitch and rant and get things off my chest. Things I can't or won't or don't want to say to him. The problem with that is, I often (if not always) present a very one-sided picture of him and our relationship because you are mostly hearing about my frustration or anger or whatever - not my happiness or joy.

I am not unhappy with him. I am frustrated and unhappy with the SITUATION, yes. But HE makes me happy. I have forgiven the fact that he lied. He has gone out of his way to do things that make him uncomfortable (such as expressing his feelings and being an open communicator) to show me how he truly feels about me. Yes, there are times when he's just a little shit and I could kick him in the shins, but more often than not, our conversations are good and happy and loving and full of talk about our future.

His April Fool's day thing really pissed me off, but I didn't want to vent that on him which is why I vented it here. (Hence my saying "Okay, I just need to get this off my chest so I can stop being even slightly irritated about it.") I know he honestly didn't mean anything by it - he just has an extremely twisted sense of humor at times. More often than not, that same sense of humor has me laughing my fucking ass off.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! FUCK IT. I really can't seem to get the words the way I want them today, and right now it's really pissing me off. I'll try again tomorrow.

Suffice it to say - he's not a bad guy. He doesn't want to leave but "just doesn't know how". Things are better than I often make them out to be, but I don't always put that in writing here.

Screw this, I'm going home.