Better

I'm feeling a lot better today. Maeve asked me yesterday (when I wrote about being sad) what I was going to do about it. That got me thinking, and I decided to go home and make a list. A list of some short-term goals that are accomplishable. Things that I think will make me feel better; or at least put me in a better frame of mind.

I also spent a lot of time masturbating yesterday. I know that seems out of place to say right now, but DAMN I'll tell ya - it sure did help!! It was hard to stay sad after feeling SO DAMN GOOD. It took a lot of energy to even get in a mind frame where I thought getting off was possible - when I'm sad, the last thing I feel like doing is playing with myself. But I'm glad I made the effort. I seemed to help get my mind out of the rut it was in, at least a little. Like when your car's stuck in the snow and you have to put it in reverse...then in drive...then in reverse...and you rock back and forth a little at a time until you're out. Well getting off at work, then after work, then before bed, seem to be the 'rocking motion' that I need to help get me up outta this rut.

I'm going out with my friend/ex girlfriend, Chris, on Friday night. She's having "issues" with the current love of her life, and needs to have a little harmless, flirtatious fun - and get a wee bit drunk in the process. She's taking me to one of the gay bars in town that I've never been to, and I'm kind of excited. It might be nice to get a litte 'girl attention' for a night. Fuck, I hope somebody at least flirts with me or I'm gonna be bummed!