Blaming Dad

Ok, so I figured out that it's all my dad's fault.

The thing is, my dad is a REALLY sensitive guy. And I don't mean that in a "pussy" kind of way. He's a man in every sense of the word; a great protector and provider and fits most other male stereotypes. But there are several he doesn't fit. The ones I'm currently frustrated by are the fact that he is very sensitive, and that he is a fantastic communicator.

Those are great qualities to have in a father. He's a great dad and I had a good childhood and our family has little to no dysfunction. All is well. The problem with his being sensitive and a great communicator is that it is so NOT the way most other males in the real world are. At least, not the ones I'm dealing with in my life presently.

I used to have a lot of male friends; mostly during high school and the period just after. So you'd think that I would have learned how to better communicate with men the way THEY communicate. Not true. The guys I was such good friends with saw me as their "link" to the female mind, and they kind of became like my girl friends. Confiding in me and seeking advice and...well....COMMUNICATING in an open and WORDY fashion.

As I grow older and am dealing with more (debatably) adult males, I'm beginning to realize that I never really learned how to communicate with males the way the average male communicates.

I expect them to fill me in on every detail at all times (without me asking) like a girl would. When they say "hey, I need you to (fill in the blank - give me a ride / pick up a soda for me on your way over / help me with my resume, etc.)" I fully expect that an explanation of why they need it will follow directly after that statement. Yeah, right!

See, a girl would say "Hey, would you stop by the store on your way home and pick up a gallon of milk for me? I would get it myself but the kids are sleeping and I don't want to wake them just to run to the store, and I know you're on your way home." A guy would just say "Hey, pick up a gallon of milk for me on your way home, wouldja?" Leaving me thinking "Why the fuck can't you get off your dead lazy ass and just go get it yourself??" (But of course I don't say that - it's just not my style. I just get the damn milk and think he's being kind of a dick.)

I'm starting to get - really GET - that the explanation just isn't going to come. Not because they're being dicks or because they are withholding information or because they're too lazy to explain or or or...I could go on and on with all the things I've come up with in my head as to why it could possibly be that they don't want to explain themselves. But the simple fact I'm coming to grips with now is - they don't explain because they just don't think it's necessary. They think that either A) we already know why they're asking us to do whatever it is they want us to do, or B) they just don't see the need for an explanation because, well, why should they explain? If we care about them as much as we say we do, then we should just KNOW that they have a good reason to be asking for whatever it is.

Vin and Timmy are the biggest culprits of this behavior lately, and I am now starting to understand that they're really not doing it on purpose. It's just how they operate.

I'm learning.

But I still blame Dad.