Confused
I can't remember a time in my life that I have ever been as confused as I am now.
Well I suppose that's not entirely true - placing Jake for adoption was a pretty painful and confusing time in my life, and that situation was much more confusing than anything I've had to deal with since.
Vin told me yesterday he doesn't want to stay broken up, and that everything I'd said in my post from yesterday was basically correct. (Mostly the part about him wanting to set me free to enjoy my life because he thinks I'm limited by staying with him.)
I have a handful of friends here at home that were really happy about that - the ones that feel that what I have with Vin is true love, even if it comes in a fucked-up package for right now.
Of course Jodie (my roomie) is beyond pissed to know that he and I are back on speaking terms. She says nothing, really - but she does manage to get her little jabs in here and there. It's just her way.
And then there's all my online friends (aka you - people who read my blog) that think I'm totally insane for not running as fast as I can in the opposite direction from Vin.
Everyone has a valid point. Everyone has a valid opinion. Most of them I can, to a degree, agree with and fully understand. Especially considering that most of it is exactly the kind of advice I'd give if I were on the outside looking in.
But not every single person with an opinion can't be right. I mean, some say stay, some say go, some say bide your time and see how the chips fall, and some say I need to learn how to get some self-esteem and learn to do what my head says, not my heart. That's too many conflicting opinions for ALL of them to be the right thing to do.
So when do you know when you should listen to yourself, and when you should listen to everyone else??
I have seen people do some of the most assinine shit on the planet, and all of it could have been avoided by heeding some very good advice. I have also seen people say "fuck everyone" and ignore all the good advice in the world, and things worked out for the best.
It goes both ways, I suppose.
In my heart, I feel like I did the first time I was completely and madly in love - the serious kind. I've had relationships with people between now and then, and nothing has affected me this way until Vin.
Maybe I'm not confused. Maybe in my head and my heart I know what the right thing is, but because people point out the opposite way of looking at it, I doubt myself and think maybe I'm wrong.
I think a better idea is to get into therapy, and start learning how to build my self-esteem, and start feeling 100% about MYSELF again.
Then maybe things will start to look a whole helluva lot more clear.
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Well I suppose that's not entirely true - placing Jake for adoption was a pretty painful and confusing time in my life, and that situation was much more confusing than anything I've had to deal with since.
Vin told me yesterday he doesn't want to stay broken up, and that everything I'd said in my post from yesterday was basically correct. (Mostly the part about him wanting to set me free to enjoy my life because he thinks I'm limited by staying with him.)
I have a handful of friends here at home that were really happy about that - the ones that feel that what I have with Vin is true love, even if it comes in a fucked-up package for right now.
Of course Jodie (my roomie) is beyond pissed to know that he and I are back on speaking terms. She says nothing, really - but she does manage to get her little jabs in here and there. It's just her way.
And then there's all my online friends (aka you - people who read my blog) that think I'm totally insane for not running as fast as I can in the opposite direction from Vin.
Everyone has a valid point. Everyone has a valid opinion. Most of them I can, to a degree, agree with and fully understand. Especially considering that most of it is exactly the kind of advice I'd give if I were on the outside looking in.
But not every single person with an opinion can't be right. I mean, some say stay, some say go, some say bide your time and see how the chips fall, and some say I need to learn how to get some self-esteem and learn to do what my head says, not my heart. That's too many conflicting opinions for ALL of them to be the right thing to do.
So when do you know when you should listen to yourself, and when you should listen to everyone else??
I have seen people do some of the most assinine shit on the planet, and all of it could have been avoided by heeding some very good advice. I have also seen people say "fuck everyone" and ignore all the good advice in the world, and things worked out for the best.
It goes both ways, I suppose.
In my heart, I feel like I did the first time I was completely and madly in love - the serious kind. I've had relationships with people between now and then, and nothing has affected me this way until Vin.
Maybe I'm not confused. Maybe in my head and my heart I know what the right thing is, but because people point out the opposite way of looking at it, I doubt myself and think maybe I'm wrong.
I think a better idea is to get into therapy, and start learning how to build my self-esteem, and start feeling 100% about MYSELF again.
Then maybe things will start to look a whole helluva lot more clear.
posted by AmyVegas at
6/04/2004 10:21:00 AM
