Everything sucks

Sometimes, it seems impossible that I could be so stupid. I mean, seriously.

I'm fucking empty. Everything is pointless. Worthless.

My life will now go back to exactly what it was before - me alone and wondering why I even exist. Bored to death. Only now, more bitter and untrusting than before.

Why do I think I need love in my life in order to feel good? Feel special? Feel like life is worth living? What the hell is wrong with me??

There is no point in trusting anymore. No point in trying again. No point in going on like a "normal" person. I have never been, and never will be normal. I'm ready to accept that.

People see me as a doormat, an easy mark, someone to take advantage of. It's not their fault - it's mine. I know that. I don't know how to change it or stop it, but I'm aware of it, at least. I think it's best if I just stop trying with new people. That requires far too much trust...and that's something I don't have any more.

I haven't felt this suicidal since high school. What a fucking joke I am.