Exhausted
I just can't seem to get enough sleep lately. I had a run-run-run kind of weekend, so that didn't exactly help.
(Hang w/me - there's a point to this story.)
I've mentioned my friend Phoebe a number of times. What I haven't mentioned is the multitude of her health issues. Long story short - at the ripe old age of 29, she's had three back surgeries and is waiting for a fourth, which they can't do until she loses weight. (She wears size 30-32 clothing.) Doc's won't operate because she's at too high a risk. She can't lose weight because she can't excercise, and is allergic to more foods than I can count.
So about a month ago, she had gastric bypass surgery so that she could lose enough weight to have her back fixed. The operation itself went well, but it's been a little rough-going since then. First of all, even pre-stomach surgery, her back problems are so bad that she's on 80mg of Oxycontin 3 times a day. (For anyone who doesn't know much about Oxycontin - the average person with no pain would be TOTALLY knocked on their ass by one 10mg pill.) Aside from the Oxy, she's also taking really strong pain meds for the pain from the stomach surgery. Due to all these damn meds she's on, she can only think straight about 20% of the day. She has trouble staying awake, and most of the time her speech is slurred.
Point being, that girl SHOULD NOT be driving a car. Anywhere. Ever. Problem is, she lives 2 1/2 hours north of the Twin Cities - where all her doctors, follow up appointments, friends, and siblings are. Second problem is - she's stubborn as all hell. Up until last week, she had insisted on driving (alone) to the cities for her appointments and such. That is, until she got pulled over last week and nearly got arrested for a DUI. Seems FOUR different people with cell phones called the police on her to report erratic driving, including swerving and nearly going into the ditch more than once.
So it was time for me to stop pleading with her to not drive (which I've done more times than I can count) and finally put my foot down. I basically told her, in no uncertain terms, that she wasn't going to drive to the cities alone, ever again. Instead, I was going to drive her from now on. When she tried to protest, I pointed out to her that it wasn't just about me trying to prevent her from getting arrested. That confused her. So I said "Look, it's partially about that, but let me explain to you why it's so fucking important to me. Because how the fuck are you going to live with yourself if you fall asleep at the wheel AGAIN, and this time, instead of just going in the ditch [which she's done 3-4 times], you cross the median and hit a family in a caravan head-on, and you live and they don't??" That stopped her in her tracks. She agreed not to drive this far anymore, and agreed to let me help her make other arrangements to get back and forth.
So, to get to the point of this whole story...I'm tired because last weekend I drove up north and back twice. It's 5 hours round-trip if you don't have to stop - but of course much longer because nothing is EVER a non-stop round-trip affair with Phoebe. Not a bad thing, but it can sure wipe a person out.
Now, the thing that keeps fucking with me is that all of our close friends (a bunch of which we were with on Saturday) kept gushing over what a big deal it was that I went and got her and what a good friend I am and how nice that was of me and on and on.
I'm flattered...kind of...but in the back of my head all I'm thinking is WHAT THE FUCK?? How is this a big deal?? Are all of you saying that you'd rather she take her chances driving and kill people or get killed than to just do her the TINIEST of favors by going to get her?? How does this make me such a great friend?? Am I crazy to think that all of you thinking that is just crazy??
I don't know. I guess it just confuses me the things that they are willing to let her do for them, even in her fucked up state of physical, emotional, and mental being - and how little they are willing to do for her.
I'd like to believe that there are more people like me and Phoebe in the world...but the number of those people that I know personally just keeps getting smaller and smaller. It's discouraging, to say the least.
|
(Hang w/me - there's a point to this story.)
I've mentioned my friend Phoebe a number of times. What I haven't mentioned is the multitude of her health issues. Long story short - at the ripe old age of 29, she's had three back surgeries and is waiting for a fourth, which they can't do until she loses weight. (She wears size 30-32 clothing.) Doc's won't operate because she's at too high a risk. She can't lose weight because she can't excercise, and is allergic to more foods than I can count.
So about a month ago, she had gastric bypass surgery so that she could lose enough weight to have her back fixed. The operation itself went well, but it's been a little rough-going since then. First of all, even pre-stomach surgery, her back problems are so bad that she's on 80mg of Oxycontin 3 times a day. (For anyone who doesn't know much about Oxycontin - the average person with no pain would be TOTALLY knocked on their ass by one 10mg pill.) Aside from the Oxy, she's also taking really strong pain meds for the pain from the stomach surgery. Due to all these damn meds she's on, she can only think straight about 20% of the day. She has trouble staying awake, and most of the time her speech is slurred.
Point being, that girl SHOULD NOT be driving a car. Anywhere. Ever. Problem is, she lives 2 1/2 hours north of the Twin Cities - where all her doctors, follow up appointments, friends, and siblings are. Second problem is - she's stubborn as all hell. Up until last week, she had insisted on driving (alone) to the cities for her appointments and such. That is, until she got pulled over last week and nearly got arrested for a DUI. Seems FOUR different people with cell phones called the police on her to report erratic driving, including swerving and nearly going into the ditch more than once.
So it was time for me to stop pleading with her to not drive (which I've done more times than I can count) and finally put my foot down. I basically told her, in no uncertain terms, that she wasn't going to drive to the cities alone, ever again. Instead, I was going to drive her from now on. When she tried to protest, I pointed out to her that it wasn't just about me trying to prevent her from getting arrested. That confused her. So I said "Look, it's partially about that, but let me explain to you why it's so fucking important to me. Because how the fuck are you going to live with yourself if you fall asleep at the wheel AGAIN, and this time, instead of just going in the ditch [which she's done 3-4 times], you cross the median and hit a family in a caravan head-on, and you live and they don't??" That stopped her in her tracks. She agreed not to drive this far anymore, and agreed to let me help her make other arrangements to get back and forth.
So, to get to the point of this whole story...I'm tired because last weekend I drove up north and back twice. It's 5 hours round-trip if you don't have to stop - but of course much longer because nothing is EVER a non-stop round-trip affair with Phoebe. Not a bad thing, but it can sure wipe a person out.
Now, the thing that keeps fucking with me is that all of our close friends (a bunch of which we were with on Saturday) kept gushing over what a big deal it was that I went and got her and what a good friend I am and how nice that was of me and on and on.
I'm flattered...kind of...but in the back of my head all I'm thinking is WHAT THE FUCK?? How is this a big deal?? Are all of you saying that you'd rather she take her chances driving and kill people or get killed than to just do her the TINIEST of favors by going to get her?? How does this make me such a great friend?? Am I crazy to think that all of you thinking that is just crazy??
I don't know. I guess it just confuses me the things that they are willing to let her do for them, even in her fucked up state of physical, emotional, and mental being - and how little they are willing to do for her.
I'd like to believe that there are more people like me and Phoebe in the world...but the number of those people that I know personally just keeps getting smaller and smaller. It's discouraging, to say the least.
posted by AmyVegas at
6/15/2004 11:02:00 AM
