My Current Worry
Lately, I'm becoming obsessively concerned with whether or not Vin is still in love with me.
I'm wondering if now that it's not "new" and "fresh" anymore, he's sort of losing interest in me; in our relationship.
He posted this yesterday: "Like a smoker or a crackhead I'm hooked on a feeling. I am hooked on the remembrance of the greatest feeling on earth. It's not the rush of cocaine or the high of pot, but it's the feeling I get when I am starting with a woman. A feeling of passion, sex, romance, feeling alive-feeling wanted. All these wrapped in a fleeting moment. I like the way it feels. I like the way it makes me feel. I mention this only because I have been trying for the last few days to remember exactly when it was that I realized that I did not love June."
I know there's a lot going on for him right now, and clearly he's doing a bit of soul-searching. He's asking himself some important questions. That's a good thing.
But it is also pretty scary for me, because I don't really know what's going on in his mind. He speaks of being hooked on the feeling of starting with a woman. Our 'start' is long gone. So what does that mean for our future?
It reminds me of the episode of Friends where Monica starts to kind of freak out about the fact that she's going to marry Chandler. She's freaking because it means no more "firsts" with a new guy, and after all, isn't that the best part?? When she relays all this to Chandler, he expresses how completely opposite he feels. How he feels that the best part is knowing that he's never going to have to be out there again, going on nerve-wracking first dates and fumbling through awkward first time sex. He is so much happier in the 'forever' part, that he's downright thankful that he won't have to 'endure' any more firsts.
I'm on Chandler's side on this one. I'm no longer addicted to the new, the fresh, or the firsts. I'm now addicted to the idea of forever. Being with one person. Not having to be 'out there' again.
And it's not just because dating sucks or because first time sex can be such a drag or because I'm afraid I would never find anyone else. It's because I've built a foundation with Vin. Some may argue that it's a shaky and possibly unstable foundation, and I'm not sure I'd disagree with that - but it's a foundation nonetheless. One I'm interested in strengthening and building on and nurturing for many years to come.
But I'm worried that maybe he doesn't feel the same. That's My Current Worry.
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I'm wondering if now that it's not "new" and "fresh" anymore, he's sort of losing interest in me; in our relationship.
He posted this yesterday: "Like a smoker or a crackhead I'm hooked on a feeling. I am hooked on the remembrance of the greatest feeling on earth. It's not the rush of cocaine or the high of pot, but it's the feeling I get when I am starting with a woman. A feeling of passion, sex, romance, feeling alive-feeling wanted. All these wrapped in a fleeting moment. I like the way it feels. I like the way it makes me feel. I mention this only because I have been trying for the last few days to remember exactly when it was that I realized that I did not love June."
I know there's a lot going on for him right now, and clearly he's doing a bit of soul-searching. He's asking himself some important questions. That's a good thing.
But it is also pretty scary for me, because I don't really know what's going on in his mind. He speaks of being hooked on the feeling of starting with a woman. Our 'start' is long gone. So what does that mean for our future?
It reminds me of the episode of Friends where Monica starts to kind of freak out about the fact that she's going to marry Chandler. She's freaking because it means no more "firsts" with a new guy, and after all, isn't that the best part?? When she relays all this to Chandler, he expresses how completely opposite he feels. How he feels that the best part is knowing that he's never going to have to be out there again, going on nerve-wracking first dates and fumbling through awkward first time sex. He is so much happier in the 'forever' part, that he's downright thankful that he won't have to 'endure' any more firsts.
I'm on Chandler's side on this one. I'm no longer addicted to the new, the fresh, or the firsts. I'm now addicted to the idea of forever. Being with one person. Not having to be 'out there' again.
And it's not just because dating sucks or because first time sex can be such a drag or because I'm afraid I would never find anyone else. It's because I've built a foundation with Vin. Some may argue that it's a shaky and possibly unstable foundation, and I'm not sure I'd disagree with that - but it's a foundation nonetheless. One I'm interested in strengthening and building on and nurturing for many years to come.
But I'm worried that maybe he doesn't feel the same. That's My Current Worry.
posted by AmyVegas at
7/29/2004 01:08:00 PM
