Embarrassed

Wow. For the love of God, whatever you do, DO NOT go back and read my archives, like, ever, or you're going to think I'm a complete nut job. I just read all of my entries from last January and GOOD GOD am I embarrassed. I haven't changed one bit. I'm stuck in exactly the same rut I was a year ago, asking myself the same questions, reacting the same way, and being frustrated about the same things. Okay maybe not EXACTLY, but damn close.

It's time not just to face this, but to start changing my behavior. (Thank GOD I'm in therapy.)

Vin is not the man for me. (Thank you, Captain Obvious.)

I guess I just kept thinking he'd come around. He'd pull through. He'd make the committment and do what he needed to do and we'd be together. That he truly loved me enough to be with me. I believed he wanted to change what he needed to change in his life, and that he was actually going to change those things.

None. Of. That. Is. Going. To. Happen.

And I am too damn good a woman to sit around and wait. And wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. If this was meant to be (with him), it would have happened by now. It hasn't and it isn't going to.

Shit-ola.

On the bright side (see, kicking in that New Year's Resolution of more positive thinking), it's never to late to change what isn't working for you.

I'm glad he's in my life and I'm glad we're friends. But I'm also glad I'm done hanging on to and hoping for a day that I now know for sure will never come.