Allow me to define "Awesome!" for you

Awesome: Going to bed at 12:30am and waking up at 5:00am, and the very second you wake up, you run to the bathroom with dry heaves, your body shaking all over because the very first thing you thought of when you woke up was, "He didn't love me enough to use birth control with his wife. He claimed he was miserable, and said several times how if it were up to him he wouldn't have had the third kid, and yet he didn't have the balls to tell her he didn't want any more kids, so he had a fourth." Then, as you're dry heaving into the sink and violently shaking and now crying, you think, "He was never going to tell me about that kid. And he's still fucking his wife...are they going for a FIFTH???"

Today is not going to be a good day.

[Update @ 7:03 PM]
Today went WAY better than I thought it would. I'm still sick to my stomach (when a fat girl ain't eating, you know something ain't right) but I'm not feeling as bad as I was. I'm pretty much over thinking he's going to do something to harm me, but I'm still a little tense about it. I'm afraid if I let my guard down, something bad will happen. I saw him on messenger last night and asked if I could ask him some stuff; he agreed. He answered everything I asked (like when he had the fourth kid) - some of his answers really surprised me; others did not. I am petrified of being on speaking terms with him and even more scared of never speaking to him again. I have to take this very slowly. This would be so much fucking easier if he were capable of just being honest for a change. Whatever. At this point, I'm surprised we're even talking. I really thought Friday was it. I don't know. Now I'm just fucking rambling because I just got high so fuck this, I'm outta here.