Sick

As. A. Fucking. Dog.

This is lame. This is the second time I've been this sick in a year. It's lame because prior to these last two illnesses, I had been sick-free for a long, LONG time.

Symptoms:
- Coughing - As in "coughing up a fucking lung - someone get that lady a fucking oxygen tank."
- Sinuses are fucked up, but I swear that started AFTER the cough started.
- Slight fever - never went above 100.8, and mostly hovered around 99.6.
- Tired as a mo-fo, as in "put a mirror in front of her face to see if she's breathing!"

I believe in karma. I believe what comes around, goes around. I believe in spirits and ghosts. I believe in aura. I believe what we think, how we feel, our behavior, and who we surround ourselves with affect our health.

I believe there is a reason for my illness.

I believe I have to figure out (read: admit to myself) what is causing my illness.

I doubt it's something I'll talk about on this blog.

I believe I am in denial of my own stress. I believe as such, that I pretend it doesn't exist, because to be perfectly honest, I don't know how to deal with it.

On the upside, I'll probably be giving up smoking (cigarettes) again - I haven't been able to properly inhale (a cigarette; the pot has actually REDUCED my coughing and sinus trouble) in 2 days. Yeah. We'll see. (Uh, suffering a bit of overly-dramatic-because-I'm-sick fatalist thinking at the moment, and lulling myself into feeling like QUITE the failure so I think I'll head back to bed and debate whether I'm calling in sick tomorrow, again. Called in Friday; I'm sure my boss is pissed; is it worth the silent treatment? I hate my boss. Fuck, I hate my job. Suddenly, I realize these parenthesis should have ended long ago but I'm too self-loathing at the moment to give a flying fuck.)

blah blah blahdey fucking blah....i'm such an ASSOLE WHINER when i'm sick. so while i'm whining can i just say? i am GOD DAMN FUCKING TIRED of taking care of myself while i'm sick all the time. JUST FUCKING ONCE i'd like to be taken care of when i'm sick. FUCK. damn that's the hardest thing EVER to admit. assholes. everyone not being in love with me and marrying me and having a great life with me and fucking taking care of me while i'm sick is just a fucking ASSHOLE. fuckers. fuck off.