The Past - 4/29/07

Originally written 4/29/07:

Most of the time, I don't want to be anywhere doing anything. I want to ignore and sleep and fade away and disappear. And I don't want to tell anyone I feel this way because they'll make me stop. (Maybe that's why I don't tell my therapist any of this.) No one would understand anyway, even if I did tell them how I feel. They'd only want to "fix" it and fix me. Fuck that. I don't need fixing. I need time.

I want to crawl into my hole until I'm ready to come out. In my own way and on my own terms.

I want to sleep until I can wake up without something hurting. I want to be left alone until it's my choice not to be alone.

I'm just so tired. So tired.
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Entry later that day/night (not sure):

"Every SECOND, the US burns nearly 4,000 gallons of gasoline. Almost 1/2 the WORLD'S production." I just heard that on tv. [ed. note: I didn't mention what I was watching, but something on Discovery or Natl. Geo. Channel, I'm sure.]

I wonder if that's true?