The Past: August 5, 2008

Originally written August 5, 2008 (*totally* drunk)

I quit therapy. It was taking a serious toll on my pocket book and eating up all of my paid time off from work, and that was putting more stress on me than the therapy was relieving, so fuck that.

So I fucked one of my brother's friends last night. Had a serious crush on him since about high school, so it was a dream come true. Except it wasn't because I *sucked* and I don't mean that in a good way! Not only could I not make him cum, which maybe wasn't my fault due to all the blow he'd been doing all day, I couldn't even keep him hard! NIGHTMARE!! Whatever. I feel like a total piece of shit.

The thing is, I'm pretty sure I am a total fairure at life. I can't stand most of my loser fucking friends and I hate my job and I live with my brother and I have no fucking idea what I'm supposed to do about any of it.

What the hell!? Why couldn't I even keep this dude hard? Is he that repulsed by me that I made him go SOFT? Here I was bragging about my awesome head skills and then he whips his dick out and I literally gasped - fucker is HUGE! I can't suck big dicks! I'm fucking terrible at it! What a loser. What a total fucking loser.

Failure.

1. I will never say I can suck a dick again until I see it first.
2. I am too fat for car sex.
3. I am too fat for SEX. Period. If I can't even keep a guy hard? yeah.
4. I am a piece of shit.