The Past: 3/28/07

Originally written 3/28/07:

So I've been ignoring things for a few weeks. Ignoring myself and how I feel, especially.

If someone could just explain why Chris is fucking me over for $750 right now, that might help.

Phoebe is finally in the hospital and it's a huge relief. SHe's a fuckign mess and the hospital may be her only hope. It's either that or she's gonna fucking die.

I hate that my mom is so sick. I hate that she's miserable and throwing up from chemo and I feel like there's nothing I can do.

Maybe my lesson from God in this life is to learn about loss and love.

I am so fucking angry right now! I can't believe Chris is choosing over 10 years of love and friendship over $750!! FUCK!! I could give a shit about the money; it's the principle of the matter. It's the fact that she's lying to me and has no intention of paying me and I'm 90% sure ALL of this revolves around the new "love of her life." Whatever. Fuck that and fuck her.
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2/12/07

Okay - the long story short version of why Chris owed me $750 - we were roomies, decided apartment living sucked, found a house to rent. Moved in Feb. 2006; by summer things went to shit. I moved out Labor Day weekend. (That's in September, for those who get 'Memorial Day' and 'Labor Day' mixed up.) Her new girlfriend, Dee, moved in. Dee didn't have the money for the damage deposit, so I told them they could use my damage deposit money (that I would have been refunded) and they said they'd pay me back when they filed taxes in January because they both get refunds. That's $600 right there, which, after *another* fight, they ended up paying me back. (Part of my anger about the whole damn thing is that in the time she owed me this money, they took a trip to Vegas AND Chris bought Dee this HUGE engagement ring, so yeah, I was fucken pissed.)

The other $150 I'll never see again. I had given her money to pay one of the last energy bills. When I got the final bill, it showed she'd never paid the second to last bill - when I talked to her about it, she told me a bunch of lies and then told me she'd pay me her half of everything - which, without getting into a bunch of math here, is $150.

We didn't speak for like 6 months, then out of the blue she texts me and again - long story short because who the fuck really cares - we're back on speaking terms but barely. She is pretending the money thing doesn't exist and is avoiding having 'the talk' about just what all the fuck went down and how we ended up on barely speaking terms and until she's ready to TALK, then I just don't give a fuck.

Now, the Pheobe going to the hospital thing. Back in this post I explained some of Pheobe's crazy health shit. For the sake of brevity, let's just say things went from bad, to worse, to holy-shit-get-your-depressed-no-longer-functioning-like-a-human-being-ass to the motherfucken hospital already. Sadly, it didn't help much. But, I'm not in the mood to get all into Pheobe and her fucked up health shit - I've basically taken the stance that if she refuses to do anything to help herself, I can't help her and I'm done trying. I'm done making her problems my own. I've decided (finally...HELLO) to clean up the shit in my own backyard for a change.

After all the 'catching up on the good old days' posts, I'll actually catch up on what's going on in my life NOW.