I have no idea how to title this

Where on earth to start?

I'm going to make a long story short - Vin and I broke up for good in April. We tried to be friends, but I had too much anger. I had to take space. We didn't talk for awhile, then we did, then we didn't, etc. In late October, he called me out of the blue (we had been speaking in late Aug/early Sep, but then cut off communications again) to tell me he was separating from his wife. We had been talking a lot since then. He moved out of his house a few weeks ago and was renting a room from a coworker's mother. He had totally become another person. Being very open and honest and telling me everything that was going on with his marriage. The most surprising part of all was how in touch with his emotions he had become. It was amazing and wonderful!! He was no longer putting on a false facade and as thrilled as I was about all the changes he was making, no one was more thrilled than him.

Which is why it was such a shock to wake up Thanksgiving morning to find his suicide note in my email. Even more of a shock to find he had actually gone through with it.

Vin is dead.

There are no words to describe how completely devastated I feel right now.

I will write more later when I can get a grip. I'm a mess. If anyone still reads this blog, please keep me in your prayers (or whatever it is you do that puts good energy out in the world).